Speak up or shut up

Ahh I know the title sounds harsh but it's the mood I'm in at the moment. As I write this I realize that there are days when it's best if I think before speaking or think before typing or think before doing something totally insane....

My family life growing up was one where being the youngest of three and having the age spread between my sister and I (8 years) it was like a total different family. My brother is 10 years older and that in itself explains why to this day we're more distant than ever.

I turned to drugs and alcohol to help me get the comfort I felt I couldn't find with my family. Hell they wouldn't understand (so I thought)... It took me about 6 years into active addiction to realize that hiding the pain by drinking wasn't taking away the pain but slowly killing me. I got the help that I needed and am doing what needs to be done a day at a time.....

I learned that if I didn't speak up I would slowly die. I learned that if I stayed hidden with the "mask" by not telling those who were closest to me I was in trouble the only one I hurt was me.... I learned that sometimes by getting the advice and imput which was given can cause pain but with pain there is growth... My sig other ( more on them in a future blog) stands by by and reminds me that if I want to keep doing what I am I have to take care of me....

Reading Ambulance Mommys blog this morning about her annonymous blogger and even Pink Warm and Dry (Epi's) blog from 11/02/08 about good enough, got me to thinking about me being "good enough".

Granted there are days when I don't feel that I am and thats usually when I've allowed myself to be used as the perverbial doormat... Then there are days espically with my job which may started off crappy turned into something positive... I may get a compliment (which is rare) or a "thank you" (which is extremely rare). It's at those moments when I do see that by speaking up helps....

My biggest suggestion for the day: Don't allow anyone to take away your "voice." by allowing that you will loose yourself... Stand up for what you believe in and by doing that the strength you may have lost will return...